Logged on far too long: You’ve really changed, haven’t you?

STEEPED BY SAMIA #34 | 09.22.24
On Facebook Memories and being a teen on social media in the 2010s.

I love back to school season. Not as a student or as someone who works in schools, but as someone who enjoyed going to school and often gets asked, “Didn’t you want to be a teacher?!” (The answer is yes, but only because I thought that’s what an English major does, lol).

I check Facebook once a day, in my daily scroll rotation.

— It’s helpful to know who’s birthday it is, you know? Lately, the Facebook Memories that come up from 12 years ago, which is my freshman year of high school, have been iconic. These Memories are placed right at the top of my feed, catching me off-guard sometimes, blurry eyed, as I scroll on my phone in the morning.

As the school year slowly progresses, I see a spectrum of time. My Facebook Memories are a myriad of mostly high school life throughout the years, from that particular day: Slightly angsty and pensive posts from freshman year, announcements about clubs and ASB events, quintessential memories like Homecoming Court my senior year, and random “Like for a TBH” posts that were written on my wall.

I’m curious about the function of nostalgia when it comes to something like social media, that was invented in recent history.

Do you remember that time when they played Cops & Robbers at night around our neighborhoods and the actual cops got involved? Or that one time they brought a beer-pong table to Hall Decorating Night and started playing water-pong? Do you remember that random rumor that was spread about me? Yeah, it was pretty insular. Did you ever post on the W***** Confessions Page? I totally forgot about that. And what does “CWF For Life” even mean?!

^^ This is the flurry of conversations that come up as I’ve been telling high school friends about this post I’m writing.

The early 2010’s was an interesting time to be a teen.

*cue We Are Young by Fun* And surprisingly, it happened very recently. We were lucky to be in high school during The Vine Era (“Look at all those chickens” ,,, RIP Vine) and when Instagram & Snapchat first got its footing. This was the formulation period of Older Gen Z culture.

I asked my peer group, who went to high school between 2012 to 2016, “What social media platforms did you use in high school?” and received these responses that I’ve summarized for you:

• Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, Tumblr, Kik, ASKfm and Google Buzz were the platforms they used (love the last one, so eclectic).
• Some commented that certain platforms, like Facebook, were off-limits because of parental rules (I don’t think I was rlly allowed to have social media).
• Some mentioned that peers or family encouraged them to get on certain platforms (omg felt this; my friend Shalin and I made my Twitter account during a school blood drive).
• Some said that they started high school with Facebook, and ended up using Instagram and Snapchat more during the latter half of high school (can relate to this).

After having Shelfari as my only social media-adjacent account in middle school,

I had just gotten a phone and Facebook, during the summer before high school. I was on Facebook all the time, finally being in a virtual space of connection with my peers (and I got to bond with Ferheen, who was in college 🧡).

Freshman Year Samia was cute and sparkly-eyed. She was heading into a world of school leadership, honors classes, & extra-curricular activities, with lots of new people & situations, and trying to navigate who she was v. who she thought she needed to be.

My siblings and I grew up with a dad who had a few implied and stated rules regarding socializing:

1. Come home right after school. If you have clubs and sports etc., then fine, but be home as soon as you’re done.
2. No going over to friends’ houses, unless it’s for school or your mom accompanies you, and especially no birthday parties.
3. “Remember: 3 feet distance from the opposite gender.”

I should mention that my dad was definitely more strict on Ferheen, as the eldest daughter, compared to Sufyan and me. Even so, my siblings and I agree that these rules have had some lasting impacts on our concept of friendship, in terms of how close we feel like we can be with friends, and our sense of belonging. Or going to to events or places at night, like concerts, lol.

So, it was freeing to talk to whoever I wanted to in high school (boys 👀), tip-tap away on Facebook Messenger on my iPad, and send essay-long texts to friends. I couldn’t go to the parties or Prom, but I could tap into most typical teen experiences at school, live vicariously through Snapchat & Instagram, and hear about all the drama from the group chats. I was somewhere inside and outside of the “in-the-know” crowd. And that was good enough.

At 14 years old, I’m not sure what barriers were removed to be able to share the contents of my mind online. But I can imagine, Facebook was this newfound form of communication that was very different than writing in my journal. Friends could see my thoughts broadcasted on their feeds and ‘Like’ or comment if they felt like it, sparking new conversations and inside jokes. And only people I knew and selected as ‘friends’ could see it.

As we know, before ~2019, social media was more about connecting with people.

Around 2020, social media became all about brands and businesses and influencers.

The way we use social media now has changed so much, especially in the ‘businesses as users’ and ‘everyday social media user, turned influencer’ way. It’s allowed us to create and promote businesses. I can partially credit Instagram for fueling my freelance copywriting business, because of the amazing people and entrepreneurs I’ve met!

Regarding Facebook and Instagram, Ferheen said, “There are so many ads — I just want to see posts from my friends!” This era of Instagram has helped me meet some lifelong friends, who live miles and miles away. But at the same time, I do miss the real, the raw, the unpolished aspect of it. Plus, the filtered collages we’d make on Instagram when we twinned with our friends.

Depending on whether you use social media more as an everyday user or influencer/creative, it can change how you behave or interact with people, and what you feel like you can or can’t post. Very much not the vibe anymore of, for example, Younger Samia posting cryptic, wistfully sad feelings about that guy who asked me to a school dance in a very public way and I initially said “Yes,” and then I later said “No.” (Okay, maybe that was just a young teen thing, lol.)

These platforms allow us to message anyone we know or want to know, cool people that are a 2-3 degrees separation from us, long lost childhood friends, or Beyonce-level stars (whether or not they’ll see it is another story). We’re also able to advocate for and collect resources for causes that are important to us and meet like-minded folks who share the same values.

Even then, we can feel distant from the idea of typing a message to someone and hitting “Send”, or ruminate in self-consciousness about posting about our passions and creative projects (my friend Nivita and I talk about “embracing the cringe” all the time!).

There is a stuck-ness that I can’t quite wrap my head around. I touch on this in a Steeped post last summer: Why is social media the way it is and do we just have to accept what it has become? But that’s what happens when accounts are free and social media companies are scrambling to make money and making things less user-focused and a lot more evil. There’s so much more to this, but this is not that post.

I don’t see many updates from my high school classmates on Facebook,

Besides engagement announcements or them getting tagged in random pictures by their parents or elder family members. Look how far we’ve come. Look how much we’ve changed. Look how much I don’t know what you’re up to. Because your most recent post is from 2017.

A few months ago, my siblings and I hung out and got pizza with Ferheen’s high school friend, Jay. He said something memorable: it may not feel like it now, but your longest & most treasured friends are there, even if you haven’t spoken to them consistently since high school. We’re growing toward and apart from each other with each new stage of life: orbiting one another and converging here & there; or existing on different sides of the galaxy. Very much a “things come back around in unexpected ways” moment.

I wanted to remind myself (and maybe you, too): if you’re thinking about someone and haven’t caught up with them in a while, reach out!! Tell them that you’re thinking of them. Just do it. Because right now, they’re still a Facebook message, email, or text away. And it doesn’t have to result in essay-long messages back and forth for it to matter.

During his high school graduation speech,

Our valedictorian Ilyas said, “Don’t peak in high school.” 🏔 🏔 🏔

This is very true. And I can only hope to borrow just some of High School Samia’s audacity when it comes to being online. —S.A.

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 🔗 Steep On This:

• A book: Extremely Online by Taylor Lorenz
• A song: There She Goes by The La’s (it’s Gilmore Girls szn!)
• A TV show: Julie and the Phantoms (on Netflix)
• A podcast: This Is Uncomfortable by Marketplace
• A newsletter: dirt.fyi
• A tea: Herbs & Kettles’ Masala Chai

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💫 Catch Up:  

08.27.24 | South Asian women-owned chai businesses to sip & support

STEEPED BY SAMIA #33: South Asian women make the coolest, yummiest, and most innovative chai.

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💌 About This Blog:

Steeped by Samia is a space where I can simmer on thoughts & curiosities about life, liminal spaces, digital culture, & more. Far too often, my writing ideas fizzle out in energy; I never get to see them to their full potential. While building my rhythm with writing, I want to share these stories with you. 

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