Read this when you feel like: Life is happening around you, but not to you

STEEPED BY SAMIA #26 | 01.04.24
Will 2024 be my year of ‘Yes’?! Who knows, but that’d be cool.

I’m sitting here at my desk, sipping ginger chai. The cats are sleeping cuddled against each other on my bed. I’m thinking about my New Year’s journaling practices throughout the years: some elaborate and promising and some just marking the passage of time.

I’ve grown to think of New Year’s goals as a grounding practice of “here are my intentions this year,” without the disappointment of falling off from said goals (— because I know myself, lol).

Some of my intentions for 2024:

  1. To interrogate my purpose & identity as a writer
  2. To not let overthinking outweigh action
  3. To continue to help people with their creative pursuits
  4. To enjoy little treats + explore fun flavor combos
  5. To remember I’m brimming with experience (re: job search)

I. Gaza: Words are refuge, words are dangerous.

It’s been 85+ days of Israel’s genocide of Gaza. At this time, 20,000+ Gazans have died and millions have been displaced. The risk of disease and famine are increasing as the days go on.

I feel so much thinking about young Gazan journalists, like Bisan and Motaz and 9-year-old Lama — reporting on the atrocities on camera, day after day, holding back flinches when bomb blasts go off in the distance.

“Writing is a testimony, a memory that outlives any human experience, and an obligation to communicate with ourselves and the world. We lived for a reason, to tell the tales of loss, of survival, and of hope.”

— Refaat Alareer (RIP) | “Gaza Asks: When Shall This Pass?” essay in Light in Gaza

In December, I read Light in Gaza (edited by Jehad Abusalim, Jennifer Bing, & Mike Merryman-Lotze), an anthology of essays by Gazans detailing different parts of life in Gaza: from agriculture and architecture, to the perils of travel with Israeli checkpoints.

Light in Gaza anthology

In an essay titled “Exporting Oranges and Short Stories: Cultural Struggle in the Gaza Strip,” Mosab Abu Toha recounts what it was like to create English-language public libraries in Gaza, the history of libraries and bookstores in Gaza as places for community & refuge, and what has become of these places in recent years.

It is bone-chilling to read about the literary censorship and book-banning that Israel imposes on Gaza, as well as bombing Gazan universities. Like, is this really happening?! But, indeed, it is happening — and it is so sinister.

Mosab Abu Toha starts the essay with this vivid image:

“On August 2, 2014, Israeli aircraft struck the administration building of the Islamic University of Gaza. The Israeli army said it had targeted a “weapons development” center on the campus. Hundreds of English language and literature books lay under the rubble of the English Department. American novels, poetry anthologies, plays, and books of literary criticism were shredded and strewn around. Hundreds of exam papers, including mine, were pierced by shrapnel and concrete.”

— Mosab Abu Toha

The Gazan experience is one of many examples of the power and danger of words. Storytelling is an awe-inspiring vehicle for awareness, connection, and mobilization.

I can’t recommend the Light in Gaza anthology enough. Haymarket Books currently has the eBook version for free here!

“Bearing witness is an honor. It is a commitment to truth seeking. Especially in the face of distortion, erasure, blackout, and censorship.”

— Hala Alyan via Instagram

Ceasefire Now.

II. Life is happening ‘around’ me & not ‘to’ me.

Tbh, my life can seem pretty mundane sometimes. I live at home with my parents, brother, and two cats*. I work from home and have a flexible schedule as a freelancer. I accompany my dad to doctor’s appointments and look after his medicines every week. I don’t hang out with friends much in-person but love to FaceTime with them. I love hanging out with my sister when she comes home from Sacramento. I like to go on walks with a podcast and watch anime and make chai on the stove. I’m in a Shoujo manga renaissance right now (more on this in a future post!).

*Note: cat is NOT mundane!! they rlly keep me on my toes, lol.

But a thought occurred to me this past summer, that I’m sitting with right now: it feels like life is happening ‘around’ me — but it’s not really happening ‘to’ me.

I’m sure you also feel shades of this or can pinpoint specific times where you felt this strongly in your life. Especially when it comes to mental and physical health or grieving the loss of a loved one. “Life happening around you v. to you” looks different for a variety of people and their circumstances. *Cue quintessential movie montage of person standing with a vacant expression and people & places are moving by in a blur in the background*

This doesn’t necessarily mean I’m dissatisfied or don’t enjoy this season of my life. It’s beautiful, restful, and wondrous in its own way. So much has happened in my post-grad era so far, and I’ve grown a lot. But I recognize there’s so much on the horizon that my life has to offer.

So, in 2024, I want to let life happen ‘to’ me. I’m in my mid-20’s; when I scan ahead to the next 5 years, I would love to be able to show myself how much I’ve stepped into a fuller version of myself.

In regard to the “life happening around me” part: it also occurred to me that life is unfolding for my friends and loved ones in such beautiful ways. It’s so exciting to see them become more aligned versions of themselves at their own pace and chat with them about how they’re processing all of it (is it time for a new interview series?! omggg). I’m taking a moment to celebrate this!

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III. Will 2024 be my year of ‘Yes’?!

Image from Kakuriyo: Bed & Breakfast for Spirits

In high school and college, I kept myself busy with various leadership-y and extracurricular activities. I’d say ‘yes’ to so many things that I enjoyed and didn’t enjoy (but perhaps did anyway to serve a purpose). Sometimes, it was out of a feeling of obligation to someone or something that would cause me to say ‘yes’ — like, when I became MSA president of my college or else the club would pretty much dissolve for that semester.

Since then, things like the pandemic and my dad’s ongoing post-bone marrow transplant care have really caused me to slow down. I feel like I don’t have to go into too much detail; previous Steeped posts, like this one, have covered this! And, of course, the world is always on fire, and nothing has changed in America to ease people’s lives.

Early in college, I read Shonda Rhimes’ iconic memoir Year of Yes, and I loved the framing of this concept. The GoodReads premise sums it up well:

“To an introvert like Shonda, who describes herself as ‘hugging the walls’ at social events … there was a particular benefit to saying no: nothing new to fear. Then came Thanksgiving 2013, when Shonda’s sister Delores muttered six little words at her: You never say yes to anything … in Year of Yes, Shonda Rhimes reveals how saying YES changed — and saved — her life.”

I really appreciate that my friends and mentors regularly send me cool writing workshops or job opportunities they see. I’ll often reply with, “thanks for thinking of me, I’ll keep this mind!!” But this time around, I want to take a page out of Shonda Rhimes’ book and apply to these things. I’ll never know what can come of it or how it can guide my creative & professional pursuits.

A caveat is to still be mindful of taking on things that are within my capacity and that genuinely interest me. But that doesn’t include not applying solely because something makes me nervous or scared.

I find a lot of hesitancy in charting a path when it comes to my overarching career v. next job. She is a mystery to me — this career thing — so I want to take time every week to explore different careers that could be a good fit (not just in the writing space!) and chat with people who have interesting pathways.

Anyways, this is all easier said than done; I’ve told myself I’ll ease into it and not make it some lofty, grand thing (aside from this blog post, lol). The intention is there, though: when we actively engage in creating our narrative, it’s pretty cool where our pathways can go.

I’m reminded of Pritika Gupta’s amazing career reflection on Kulfi Bites titled “Who gets to decide what the perfect career narrative is?”

“Creating space in our lives for possibilities can often be a source of a certain kind of joy.”

— Pritika Gupta

This week, my free time will be spent hibernating under two blankets, drinking soul-warming chai, and watching copious amounts of anime (I’m on episode 208 of 1088 of One Piece, woo). We are meant to be hibernating in January!! I hope you ease into the new year and take things at your own pace. 🥰 ☁️ — S.A.

 🔗 Steep On This:

💫 Catch Up:  

12.02.23 | On getting my driver’s license at age 25

STEEPED BY SAMIA #25: … And other thoughts & happenings from the past few months.

💌 About This Blog:

Steeped by Samia is a space where I can simmer on thoughts & curiosities about life, liminal spaces, digital culture, & more. Far too often, my writing ideas fizzle out in energy; I never get to see them to their full potential. While building my rhythm with writing, I want to share these stories with you. 

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