Notes on believing in your momentum, as you are

steeped by samia no.43 | 01.16.26
 Tucked in the corner of a rabbit hole, somewhere soft & quiet.

There are unexpectedly beautiful things about winter in the South Bay: waking up to the morning light blue sky, the patterns of faded light on the walls, the bare branches peeking out beyond my window, the birds eating sticky sweet persimmons, the first cloudless, sunny afternoon after days of rain and every kind of person is walking or biking on the trail.

I’ve spent just shy of 3 months on a calcium channel blocker for my Raynaud’s chilblains and, while still a bit puffy, I’m feeling like a person again in the winter for the first time in what feels like forever. That’s something I won’t be taking lightly. 

Lately, in between getting back into freelance projects and goals, I’ve asked myself: What am I really feeling right now? Not the outward veneer of Samia but the Samia deep within my interior?

This beginning of the year post aims to answer this question, leisurely, tucked into the corner of a rabbit hole, in the quiet I have to create for myself to listen to what I’m trying to say.

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Liminality has punctuated my 20s. (Yes, we know this.)

The liminality, while helping me feel content and wonder in the everyday, has also led me to feel an underlying sense that I have so much to work on. And I’m not the only one. Many people are feeling like they’ve wasted time and it’s too late to reach their potential, they’re struggling through this economy and job market, they’re doing all the right things but not getting hired and feeling more and more behind, and they’re faced with the realness of their responsibilities and bills. Not to mention the very real impacts of our mental and physical healths. We are so hard on ourselves.

I’ve flip-flopped between my freelance career being a placeholder for the solidified full-time job (or the grad school pursuit that would lead to the eventual full-time job), to it being the thing that I innately am in this season of my life and continuing on this meandering path could lead to opportunities. In this flip-flopping, I’ve felt a splintering of my self-assuredness and sense of time. I’ve felt unmoored by the expectations and rungs of ‘adulthood’ in these times of immense instability—truly, what will our futures look like?

I wrote in my journal on January 13th:

“It feels like parts of my soul are constantly being eaten and replenished.” 

While making chai or while on walks lately, I’ve been listening to Good Life Project’s beginning of the year series. This quote and question were particularly clarifying:  

  • “Even the most elegant framework…will struggle to take root if underneath it you’re still carrying this hidden belief that ‘old you’ is broken and needs to be erased.” —from: Myth of the Clean Slate
  • “The question you want to ask: Is this goal rooted in love, meaning and alignment, or is it secretly a bid for worthiness?” —from: Your Goals Are Broken.

In some ways, in the latter half of my 20’s, I’ve been on a path to regain my conviction and actually use the fortitude that’s been stored inside me to find my momentum (almost like Link in Legend of Zelda drinking up his potion bottles with a big exhale).

To frame the beginning of 2026,

These are some sticky note reminders in my mind, and I hope they can be helpful affirmations for you, too: 

  • I am building my life from a place of fortitude and curiosity, not from a place of inadequacy (double emphasis react to this)
  • Whatever hard thing is happening, whatever weird murkiness is happening, I’ve always gotten through it
  • My time is my own—to create, to waste to be of service, to wander, to listen, to seek whimsy (and cats)
  • What may feel like my B- right now will turn into a solid A if I allow myself time, and sometimes my B- is perfectly fine, as is 
  • There is always something beneath the buzzy mirage of the immediate. It is worth probing for answers and realizations that are sincere, rooted, and slow

And the actual sticky note above my desk, inspired by a conversation with my cousin Suhail and this post on personal branding by Eugene Healey (two amazing brand strategists, might I add), reads:

What would it look like to find your mission, purpose, or thesis? To take the bits and bobs floating in your head and come up with something audacious?

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The world we live in doesn’t set us up to be able to do the things we want and need to do. The way work and society is designed to leave us just morsels of time and energy for our hobbies, people, responsibilities and more. With this fragmentation, it is harder to a.) self-actualize and move closer to the core who we are and b.) contribute to our communities as easily as we want to. 

These years are probing me to dig into my roots and community to do something with my skillset, time, and energy to help people (in different ways than I already have). To join and re-join.

What notable books & media are part of my foundation, that have fueled my fortitude and perspective?

—I’ve been asking myself this question and love that other people are contemplating it, as well.

Something that comes up for me, between social media, AI, and Substack, is that it’s so easy to be scrolling on a path away from things that feel deeply close to our hearts, that have come through rabbit holes and discovery at the right place and time. Things that make up who we uniquely are. This also reminds me of recent discussions on archives and physical media, with all the things happening lately.

I’ve been slowly writing down and revisiting things that rest in this archive in my head (and on my shelves and digital media accounts). Here are a few:

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I thought my word of the year was Equilibrium, but what’s really emerging is Sincerity.

To be as real as I can be—to myself, to others, to my goals & dreams—and to know that I am always enough.

And, as I always tell myself: to try and try again.

—S.A.

Editor’s Note: I started a bunch of snippets that did not make it into this piece but will work splendidly as longer pieces for future Steeped! Pls stay tuned, like and subscribe, etc. etc. lol


💫 Into the Archive: Thematic Yearly Posts

2025: When adventure feels out of your reach

2024: When life is happening around you, not to you

2023: A preoccupation with the strange-ness of time

2022: When you’re back at Square One

💌 About This Blog:

Steeped by Samia is a space where I can simmer on thoughts & curiosities about life, liminal spaces, digital culture, & more. Far too often, my writing ideas fizzle out in energy; I never get to see them to their full potential. While building my rhythm with writing, I want to share these stories with you. 

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