Read this when you feel like: Adventure is out of your reach

STEEPED BY SAMIA #36 | 01.12.25
Is my word of the year “Adventure” or is it actually “Freedom”?

December 30th, 2024 —

The day before New Year’s Eve, I went on a long neighborhood walk in hopes of connecting some dots to write this post. My walk took me through the park next to my elementary school, through the idyllic neighborhood behind it, to part of the creek trail, and then back home.

My beginning of the year thematic posts have become little guideposts for the year: on starting back at Square One for 2023 and on letting life happen to me for 2024. Whether or not I can say that I’ve lived each theme to the fullest, I’m not sure. What I can say is that these posts give me strength to know that every year, the theme brewing in my mind shifts and changes. And that’s just through time and experiencing life.

A Proxy podcast episode played in my ears, and I kept a keen eye out for neighborhood cats (sadly none — not even Jason, the fluffy, orange cat). It was 62° F and sunny, with a cloud studded blue sky. Beautiful South Bay walking weather.

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I decided to do something. And that is to adopt a new mindset. You see, when parts of the To Do list remains unchecked for months and when the anxieties are cluttering in my mind like a junk drawer, it’s not a very fertile place to transform dreams into action (or whatever).

So, while I’m doing my 10 minutes of stretching in the morning, I try to refresh my brain. Cleanse it of clutter. Because while The Stuff is still there, I want my day-to-day life to be operating from a place of openness and curiosity. Just feeling more present, you know? This is just one way I’ve been tricking my brain (kindly) to overthink less and be more focused — “locked in,” if you will. While I’m very free in some ways, I haven’t been feeling very free.

“You are capable of so many things that you’ve yet to encounter,” I told myself this morning, in cobra pose.

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My local park is right next to the elementary school I went to. I found a picture from kindergarten while cleaning, and it brought me so much joy. My classmates and I are so small in our white and red polo uniforms, playing on the Reading Time rug.

Anyway, this park is filled the gigantic trees. Big crackling leaves are all over the grass. The playground is new, constructed during the height of the pandemic. It looks so much more airy and open compared to what it looked like before, with its faded wood, plastic, and metal. Goodbye slightly dangerous tire swing. A big group of parents and toddlers — a play group? — are all over the playground, and it’s a pleasant atmosphere.

During an autumn walk one day, the playground was completely empty. A rare sight. I sat down on the swings, pushing off against the ground and pumping my legs back and forth, hearing the wind in my ears, the nostalgia of the creaking noise. I looked up — a dizzying but calming effect to see the cloudy blue sky in a different vantage point.

We all need to go to the playground and swing a little.

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“So you must not be frightened, dear Mr. Kappus, if a sadness rises up before you larger than any you have ever seen; if a restiveness, like light and cloud-shadows, passes over your hands and over all you do. You must think that something is happening with you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand; it will not let you fall.”

Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke

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I’ve been simmering on this lately, an internal adventure of sorts: How beautiful is it to frame “what we don’t know” as life-long curiosities? I say this because fear and anxiety are always lurking in the background when I’m thinking about things like goals and dreams.

I’m in a dynamic place with my writing: having a variety of experiences and works under my belt, while recognizing the gap between where I am and where I want to be. And for me, that’s learning take the lush and layered creative ideas in my brain and being able to write and edit and alchemize until it reflects how it appears in glimmers in my brain.

Output is only one piece of our journeys as creative people. And reading books like Black Women Writers at Work has affirmed the importance of sustainability within longevity. The writerly life is not easy; it requires endurance and patience. When we’re conditioned to focus on output and and marketability and audience, it’s easy to forget about our lifelong relationship with The Craft.

I’ve always loved writing and reading fiction — I even majored in English Creative Writing in college. The past 5 years of my writing, though, have been an exploration of personal essay, blog writing, and e-commerce content marketing. I say this because it’s cool to know that my writing might take on a different primary form in the future, without knowing what that would feel like in the present.

Younger Samia was also an avid scrapbooker and whimsical drawer; so, I’d love to bring more of that into my creative process.

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“There’s a saying that goes: You have to hear something seven different times, in seven different ways, and from seven different people (or avenues) for you to take action on it.”

I paused and re-listened to this quote in the Proxy episode. I ended up writing it down in my Notes app.

Looking into the creek, I kept an eye out for fish. Just a few weeks before, there were big Chinook Salmon swimming about, which was unusual for our local creek, most likely washed inland from a storm. You could see glimpses of shiny white and red fish scales, almost like koi fish. It felt like Animal Crossing when you see the silhouette of a finned fish. No fish spotted today, though.

While the above podcast quote is about acting on life changes, like going to therapy, it made made think about the questions that friends and family often bring up —

Do you feel like traveling anywhere or living somewhere else? Are you thinking about grad school or something? How do you feel about dating or marriage right now?

I have a confession to make: I’m 26, and I see myself being single for a very long time. Or, at the very least, I have no pressure on myself to be coupled up or married by a certain age, which is a common expectation for women in South Asian and Muslim culture. Right now, I welcome the idea that I might never get married. And I’m very firm that I don’t want to have kids. Always have been.

All to say: I value my solitude and untetheredness a lot. Which, for me, works really well as a writer. It’s a powerful feeling. To know that I have so much time with myself to discover, both internally and externally.

This makes me wonder: What do I want to look forward to? What do “Big Milestones” look like for me?

While I don’t have anything tangible that I want to share right now, I do want to work toward having an expansive life. Like, that feeling you get when you’re gazing out at a majestic skyline, or inside a historic building with an endless, ornate ceiling.

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“I came out of that minor adventure with a motto that stood me in good stead ever after—’Never turn down an adventure without a really good reason’—that I use to assay any invitation or possibility I was about to reflexively dismiss…I said yes to other adventures, and in the year of the apricots I was invited as abruptly and even more unexpectedly to Iceland, and I said yes instantly.”

The Faraway Nearby by Rebecca Solnit

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On my way home, I encountered a friendly neighborhood walker. She’s a retired librarian, wearing her usual red sweatshirt and sun hat.

“Happy almost new year!” I say.

“It’s already the new year?!” she gasps. We laugh.

She mentions, as she always does: “I walk every day. You walk every day, too? It’s good for your health. I sleep good at night.” Placing her palms together against her tilted head, eyes closed, soft smile on her face.

Aging is inevitable. She makes me feel hopeful for the future.

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January 12th, 2025 —

Los Angeles is on fire right now. It’s devastating. Here are ways to help, here’s where to donate money for masks & respirators, and here’s how to plan for emergencies.

— S.A.

 🔗 Steep On This:

💫 Catch Up:  

12.28.24 | A season of cats, construction, and clarity

STEEPED BY SAMIA #35: There are other C words I can add to this title, but this is good enough.

💌 About This Blog:

Steeped by Samia is a space where I can simmer on thoughts & curiosities about life, liminal spaces, digital culture, & more. Far too often, my writing ideas fizzle out in energy; I never get to see them to their full potential. While building my rhythm with writing, I want to share these stories with you. 

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